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Posts Tagged ‘God’

First things first – head over to my other blog (http://storyidyls.blogspot.com/) and check out my most recent post on fear of failure! Because you all know that is my favorite subject, so I couldn’t resist posting about it on there too and am currently working hard not to regret it.

Second things second: I love you , my readers. Mostly because I don’t know any of you and you still take the time to read my stuff and I don’t have to feel self-conscious because I know if you like it, it is because you actually like it because you aren’t going to have to face me at any point and pretend to anyway. Which means I can be myself around you.

Third things third. I read a lovely little piece in A Lamp for My Feet by Elisabeth Elliot that I am pretty sure God was directly telling me. as many of you know – I have a constant need and impulse to insert my witness in conversations in any way possible – partially because (speaking of fear) I am afraid not doing so constitutes as denying Christ. I’ve been trying to figure out lately the correct balance between being a good witness and allowing people to just talk without my preaching at them. I think this insight has really helped me be at more peace:

The Necessity to Cover

There are things which it is our duty to cover in silence. We are told nowadays that everything ought to be expressed if we are truly “honest” and “open.” Proverbs 11:13 says, “He who goes abroad as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing hidden.” Jesus sometimes refused to reveal the truth about Himself, even when it would have seemed to us an opportunity to witness. He did not always answer questions. He did not always say who He was. He told some of those He healed to tell no one about it. “For every activity under heaven its time . . . a time for silence and a time for speech” (Eccl 3:1, 7), “A man of understanding remains silent” (Prv 11:12). Lord, deliver me from the urge to open my mouth when I should shut it. Give me the wisdom to keep silence when silence is wise. Remind me that not everything needs to be said, and that there are very few things that need to be said by me.

 

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I haven’t written in awhile I know – I have been surprisingly busy – or too tired. One or the other. I took a work trip to Phoenix, which was just lovely. The only down side, of course, was that my husband wasn’t with me. Around that time, my progress in CampNaNo began collapsing and I barely have written a word since. Until today. Today I have my computer up at work and am interspersing 5 minute writing bouts with real work (and this blog entry – shh, don’t tell my bosses! :P) But really, I work better when I get some of my creative juices out – otherwise I tend toward random daydreaming bouts.

To tell the truth, I’ve also just been too depressed to write. Both bookwise and blogwise. The current politics and morals (or lack thereof) swirling about the nation and facebook have been weighing me down like . . . like a sandbag filled with water. I can hardly believe how quickly the nation has gone from respecting the freedoms of others, from family values, from a good moral stance, to utter chaos. From homosexuality to women posting naked pictures of themselves to make some type of political point to all the attacks our president refuses to do anything about to the violent protests outside of presidential rallies to the undeniable escalating racial tensions.

In addition to all of the chaos in the nation, I notice more and more the deteriorating moral state of friends I used to have from college. I see people I never would have thought of as liberal posting in favor of moral standards that are strictly against Biblical principals. Or posting inappropriate pictures. Or straying further and further from God in various ways and seemingly thinking nothing of it.  It is – just depressing.

I’ve been having a very hard time over it and finally yesterday I cried out to God for peace – I just didn’t know how much longer I could handle it. My heart was so heavy. I’m not saying I got instant peace – but – God did speak to me. He reminded me that He, too, looks down and sees everything going on and that, if it makes me sad, it makes Him sad tenfold. That if I feel like shedding tears over sudden lack of any morals or standards in our communities, then He has filled an ocean with his sorrow. And He reminded me that my job is to continue to be a light to those around me. Not to take the burdens on myself, but to acknowledge they are there – to pray about them – to hand them to Him, and to continue to stand up for what I know is right, no matter what those around me do. That if someday I am persecuted for standing up for my religious beliefs in this country that supposedly allows religious differences, that He will still see me and support me. That it is no worse than many of His disciples went through for standing up for what was right in a world that was wrong.

So, although I am still immensely saddened by all that I see on social media, in the news, and even walking down the street, I am seeking to consistently pull God’s peace over me, to pass it to Him in prayer, and to be a light in the darkness, living in the moment that God has given me instead of fear for the future.

 

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I know it has been awhile since I have written. I just – haven’t had much to say. It has been really busy – although for the life of me, I couldn’t say what with. It isn’t like I have been working out or anything. Or even traveling that much. Life just happens. It’s actually a pretty quiet time at work right now, which is a nice change from the last few months. I actually find myself without anything to do sometimes! Other than taking the online FEMA Training courses – but who wants to do that? It is only noon, and I have already turned in a news article and meeting minutes – and, really, I should be sorting emails or doing that dratted old FEMA training course – but neither of those are really high priority, so I thought I would ramble on here instead. I really have my best friend Abby to thank for this post. She noted disappointedly to me yesterday that I hadn’t written in awhile. I am not sure this counts as writing, really, but here it is anyway. 😛

I hope you all had a wonderful July 4th! I certainly had a great weekend. Daniel and I went to the beach Friday. We left work early on Thursday, drove out to Virginia Beach, and got a hotel only like 20 minutes from the beachfront. Thanks to the crazy amount of Hilton honor points I have been collecting via my travel, we were able to stay in a Hilton Garden Inn King Suite with Whirlpool for a mere $75 + 12,00 Hilton points. Daniel has now forgiven me for all my travel.  According to AccuWeather.com, it was supposed to storm all day, and I was properly depressed about it. Daniel assured me that we could sit at a beachside restaurant and drink Margaritas all day if it rained, so that cheered me up some. And he took my hands and prayed that it would be sunny for me, despite my rebellious comment that it wouldn’t work because I had already prayed and the forecast had just gotten worse. I really don’t do well without having had warmth and sun in a while. And it seriously has been raining here almost nonstop for a couple weeks. That point aside, however, God decided to show me how much He loved me despite my stubborn belief He wouldn’t do anything about the weather, and even though the weatherman consistently maintained it was going to be  and rainy all day, we had an incredibly gorgeous sunny day from the time we woke up to the time we got into the car to drive home, whereupon it immediately clouded over and began to rain. How amazing is that? I apologized to God multiple times for my lack of faith. We both even got epically sunburned. Which was totally worth it.

Abby, thanks to her amazing “friends and family discount”, decided to fly out for the Fourth of July and visit me for a day! I was so excited! She ran a 5k Saturday morning, and then ran an additional race immediately after –  through the airport to get to her flight in time. She landed, we picked her up and went straight to a party, and enjoyed the beautiful DC Fireworks display from an incredible rooftop view. Man, I love having friends who have private rooftops – especially when they invite me to their party.
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It was raining most of the day, which surprised us, since we don’t really remember a fourth that was so rainy before. But Daniel mentioned it was probably due to the Supreme Court’s recent decision. And I think I agree with him  – I feel like God was crying for the people in the country He blessed us with, and how we are treating the independence He gave us by letting the country go to hell in a handbasket. I, too, am sad for this country and the decisions it has made, and am fearful of the repercussions that will come from it. I have many more thoughts in that score, but don’t feel like sobering this post up that much quite yet.

Oh, going back to the news article mentioned above, it was the first time I have been giving just a plain writing assignment! Most of the writing I have been doing has been documentation, based on previous templates. This time, I was asked to just write a news article on one of our exercises, focusing on the human interest angle – what people got out of it. So I used [minimal] creative license, and wrote the article. And to my delight, there were minimal edits before it was submitted to the newsletter for publication! I hope they accept it, and I hope that it paves the way for me to write more articles!

My sister’s wedding is in less than a month, and I feel so ill-prepared to sing the song she asked me to! I just feel like my voice isn’t quite right for the song, and haven’t sung enough in the last couple years to feel up to par. I really need to crack down on practicing!

Well, I have a 8 minutes so should probably sign off now. If you read this entire post, you are probably either too bored to do anything else, or also avoiding work. Have fun browsing for other stuff to read now! 🙂

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Counting Blessings

It is a cold, dreary day outside, and I woke with the depressed feeling of knowing it was time to trudge off to work once more, where I can expect at least four emails telling me what I did wrong this time. In case you didn’t notice, I don’t take criticism very well. I know, I know – it is a part of the job, and a part of making a deliverable client-worthy – but, I still feel like an utter failure if I see so much as one red mark on a comma I forgot. Something I am working through with God. Sometimes I can handle it better than other days. And some days – I just feel like if I am given one more correction, I will just melt into the floor and never return. So, as I sit in my little cubicle, and try to get up the courage and energy to get my day started, when all I really want is to curl up in bed with hot chocolate and book and watch the rain drip down the sill, I began, as I usually do in these moods, ruminating on where I am in life, and why I haven’t found a job I actually like going to yet. I do believe there is a job out there for everyone – something you are made to do, that you actually don’t mind going to – but some days, I wonder how you are ever supposed to find that job?

As I often do, when I am feeling down, I was browsing random quotes in hopes of hitting one that would so exactly fit what I was feeling that I would feel better. Well, I hit this one:

motivational inspirational love life quotes sayings poems poetry pic picture photo image friendship famous quotations proverbs

Aaand – felt convicted. I know it is natural to feel down in the dumps sometimes, or to get emotional or restless, or whatever it is I am getting, but, I also know I have so many blessings in my life that I tend to just skip over when I am down. I know that my first reaction should be to go to God in prayer and ask Him to help me through hard days, but I find myself shying away from that – partially, I think, because a tiny part of me likes being angsty. It does make such better posts, doesn’t it? But, that aside, it HAS been a long time since I have looked at all the blessings I have in my life. So, this is me, trying to be joyful even when I am down, and learning to count my blessings even when I am stuck in a little cubicle doing a job I hate.

Five blessings:

1. That I even HAVE a job.

2. That I have a husband who never loses patience with me even when I am moody, and will hold me without making me talk or buy me flowers and chocolates just to make me feel better.

3. That I have an adorable little apartment to go back to every night.

4. That I have money to visit family for the holidays.

5. That I can see the beautiful world around me, including the rain pouring over the countryside, unlike the poor blind man on the metro today, who still seemed kind and cheerful despite that.

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Quotes Addict

So, I discovered this site just last week called “The Daily Quotes” and have already used them multiple times in my posts – and – yes, spammed a friend’s Facebook page with them. Don’t you just love how, no matter how you are feeling, you can almost always find a quote to match? I think I like it so much because it lets me know I am not alone in that confused inner world they call a brain. Plus I am pretty sure God uses them a lot to propel me forward when I get stuck. I find I draw inspiration from random quotes almost as much as I do beautiful sights.

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