Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

I am in a one of those moods tonight. Introspective, depressed, or whatever other adjectives you care to describe those nights when you just want to curl up and hide from the world. But, since I still have to be a little productive tonight, I thought perhaps if I wrote it out to you, all you strangers out there, I would get it out of my system.

I can’t be the only one who goes through this – those times when you just start reflecting on how low a priority you seem in literally everyone’s lives? Except my husband – he always makes me feel cared for. Sometimes, I just feel like, if I never contacted anyone again, or asked someone to hang out or talk or whatever else – nothing would happen. Just that. They would never get around to contacting me. I’d never visit with anyone, go out with anyone, nothing. Because, sometimes, I feel like I basically have to beg to get someone to hang out with me or chat with me. Not that I need it that often, being an introvert, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone ask me for a change.

Or, there are those times, when you feel like you rearrange everything to accommodate someone else – and still they just can’t make something work? Or you contact someone and they never get back to you – or perhaps wait a week or two to respond. How low must you be on their priority list that they don’t get around to you until they feel like it?

I know these are dangerous depths to go into, and I know that just because other people may not purposefully make time for me does not give me an excuse not to be there for them. But every now and then, usually when like 3 or 4 people do it in a row – I just find myself wallowing in self-pity and have to talk myself out of it.

There. I feel better already. And my husband loves me and always makes me a priority. And I am so precious in God’s eyes that He not only created me, He has a special plan for me. And everyone has busy streaks in their lives – not responding can just be a symptom of how busy they are and how much they need support in their lives rather than being all about me.

If I turn my eyes outward instead of inward, how much more am I able to see! How many others who may feel so much more alone than me – or may truly be alone – without loving husbands, friends, and family who just get a little busy sometimes. How truly selfish being introspective can sometimes be. I am here to give glory to God and be there for others, not wait for others to be there for me.

Thank you for letting me talk through this with you and I hope any of you who may feel discouraged tonight might feel refreshed and encouraged knowing that:

1. Everyone goes through down times. You are not alone. And

2. You are precious in God’s sight no matter what is going on in your life right now.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint. ~ Isaiah 40:31

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So last weekend we went to the beach with a couple of friends. It is amazing how just some sand, sun, and water can completely change your perspective and mood. I’d been going through a super depressed slump, both due to some personal things and because of the current political environment. Since I do want to be an Intelligence Analyst at some point, I figure I should do better about keeping up on news, but, man – reading news every day is so depressing! And facebook does not make it better! It like, dramafies everything (yes, yes I did just make that word up). So yeah, downhearted, depressed, didn’t even want to think about writing (More on writing, btw, at my soon to be public-ish blog: Once Upon a Story – you should go look at it to make me feel better about my page views).

Then, I got to the ocean. Oh, glorious sun, sand, waves, water – everything about the beach and ocean is just soothing, and magnificent, and calming and romantic. I swam in the ocean, laid in the sand, enjoyed the feel of the extremely strong sun on me, had ice cream and in general just forgot about the world’s political and moral issues.

But the best part, I think, was that night. Our friends had gotten a hotel on the beach (Yes, my husband and I, being cheapskates, er, *ahem, fiscally responsible?, found a hotel about 20 minutes away that was way cheaper), and after they put their baby to bed, we sat on the balcony and sipped various beverages and chatted quietly and looked out over the ocean. I forget, until I see it, how much I adore the ocean at night. Almost more than during the day. It just looks so . . . magical.  Oh! I even wrote a poem on it! I forgot! I had thought my days of writing random poems were over because I didn’t have a free enough imagination anymore, and then it just suddenly worked. Not that it is good, by any means – it is awful, I am quite sure (some parts rhyme and others don’t) – but it was fun to write, so I will share it with you and then let you get back to your own lives.

Ode to the Ocean (How many times has THAT title been written?)

I should have known by looking over the sea

Never again would my heart and soul be free

The silvery moon wavering over the calm

Only served to further the charm

Oft I’d been told from far and wide

Of the beautiful but cruel mistress of the tide

And that all it took was one’s first glance

Over the vast and indescribable expanse

Your soul would sigh in romantic succumb

To the mysterious deep where the mermaids hum

A desire deep down undoubtedly lit

To never remove from shore or ship

I suddenly knew without thinking twice

Where I would always return, no matter the price

To this intimate, silent, yet resounding lair

That spoke your emotions, understood any despair

And no matter how many books, poems, or emotions

Try to capture the incredible magic of oceans

They will never quite be able to convey

The full majesty of the watery display



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